Aye hen the bairn is oot Caught this laddie full o soot Ben the skullery wash yer nut Efter yer dad has kicked yer butt. Yer sister kens the lassie Betty Her mans iy oot and awfy sweaty Eyes like peeholes in the snaw The Police came he shot the craw. Dinny sniff yer granda’s soaks Stinks awe fish and artichokes Canny smell his nose is wasted Like the chicken efter its basted. The wee man sings his awfy song Thank the lord he’ll no be long Toneless deef and full o whiskey Eyeing the women up and awfy frisky. He’s no awa tae the bookies again That auld chancer has gone insane Bets his shirt on an auld lame hoarse Canny run or finish the course. Gonny put the kettle oooon Invite auld aggie and cousin Joan Talk eh knitting oot the back Hae a bun and have a crack. Good luck if you can understand this lol.